Two days ago i started crying a lot and screaming. I cried so much and screamed so much. I had a final that I failed. I cldnt stop crying I left to Oakland came back. Drove five hours for nothing.

One week ago

I lock the door so no one can come in. My aunt starts knocking on the door and screaming let me in jennalynne. Let me in. You’re not a child. Let me in. She screaming at me. She says you’re parents have done nothing. You ignore everyone you don’t say anything. I stay out of the way. I walk on egg shells so they don’t scream. She is screaming at me. You’re lucky you’re lucky. They’re downstairs. They don’t help me. I get triggered. I start screaming ask them they did this to me. Every week someone comes in this room and starts screaming. I cry in silence and close my ears till it’s over. They all scream and take their anger out on me. It hurts me. It kills me.

Two weeks ago

My parents found me at my grandmas they cornered me. I started screaming and covering my ears. I keep screaming. They keep yelling. They keep yelling the same things. I tried to bang my head on the wall. I start screaming. My grandma comes in and she slaps me. I feel trapped. They lock the door and I scream. I can’t escape. They corner me and scream at me. I feel this pain. They scream at me the same things over and over again. They constantly victimize themselves it hurts me so much. Nobody sees my pain. Nobody hears me. She was here last week screaming the same things. I feel so numb my head hurts I start screaming uncontrollably and cry out of nowhere now. I bang my head out of nowhere now.

June 21st

My dad tried to manipulate me this is the first time we talked in a year. I went to my friends house for a little bit. I told him I wanted to play again. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore cuz he doesn’t understand. This is the first time I slept in my car. I have nowhere to go.

June 20th

My parents found me again. They started screaming at me and victimizing themselves again. Don’t u want to watch your brother grow up. I just want my own life. I just want to go to college. I just want to play basketball. Like a broken record they said the same things. Screamed the same things. And said we’re getting older. I can’t leave or escape this prison inside my head. They do not apologize for the pain they have caused they simply say we cannot go back just move forward. I want to play college ball. I want to go to college. There is so much pain that I have gone through it kills me everyday and every night I feel this pain inside me.

June 19th

My sister started screaming at me for leaving a cup inside the room I was staying at. People scream at me for no reason. I feel like when people get mad they start screaming at me and take it out on me. She said I have to leave cuz they are leaving without giving me a warning. I only left a few cups. I only left on once. Make it make sense. She started screaming I started screaming. I got triggered. I started fighting her. Screaming nobody helped me. I end up the bed. Kicking her she was grabbing me. I was screaming. I have a cut on my arm. Her bf came in and said this isn’t even your room and you live like this. Damn. This wasn’t even their house my dad owns the house. I have nowhere to go. I have nowhere to go. I left. I threw a rock at her car. I said fuck u and ur no shit ass bf. The only reason u have this house is bc of my dad.

How can a person change if it is a part of who they are

Who do you turn to when everyone knows all ur damn business? Everybody already thinks they know because they know who you are. So how can u even have an identity when people already know all ur damn business think they know u it’s frustrating not having ur own damn identity. Nobody is gonna ask what’s wrong cuz they know who u are who u belong to. Now I’m old. So now I’m grown up so who am I. An adult with no memory no identity. Who do you turn to when everyone knows all ur damn business? Everybody already thinks they know because they know who you are. So how can u even have an identity when people already know all ur damn business think they know u it’s frustrating not having ur own damn identity.

if I could run I’d run a million miles just to see would it catch up to me then